I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
