I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
