i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
God I need to hump something, right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
