I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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