i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
