sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm at about main and main street
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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