obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
