You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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