when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
