Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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