Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
