please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
