i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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