Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
