paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
