I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
