Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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