I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
