my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
