I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
