Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
