whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
