Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
