I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
