My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
