Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
