just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
