I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am available for nakedness
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
