Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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