when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
