And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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