Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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