I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
