Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
