You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
