Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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