I'm lost and stupid without you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
