i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
