just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
