the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
