Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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