I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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