i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
