Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
