Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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