Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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