Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
