Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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