i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
