whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
