i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
