I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
