i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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