Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
