he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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