i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
