Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
