i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
