im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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