my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
