Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
