the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
