Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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