Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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