My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
