omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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