toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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