i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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