I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
