sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
