I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
