Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
