it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We had to coat check the pizza.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
