weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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