wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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