there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
