Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
