Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
