i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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